You're not having an orgasm and you're afraid of suffering from anorgasmia?

Suffering from anorgasmia means that you or your body is unable to experience an orgasm. This circumstance may be present since birth or may only affect temporary phases of your life. Both men and women can suffer from this disease, although this phenomenon is quite rare in men. Basically both sexes are by nature arranged in such a way that an orgasm is basically possible. It only depends on the type of stimulation.

However, there are also physical illnesses that make an orgasm impossible. If a person has never experienced a sexual climax in his life, the physician speaks of a primary anorgasmia. In return, the lack of orgasm ability after a fulfilled sexual life is called secondary anorgasmia. For men it does not mean that they do not get an erection, but they simply no ejaculation.

However, most causes for anorgasmia can be found in the psychological area. Many patients had previously enjoyed a sex-hostile upbringing by their parents or were sexually abused at some point in their lives. If you belong to this group of patients, psychotherapy can be a very good remedy.

If you have one of these diseases, orgasm may not occur

If you suffer from diabetes, you may suffer from anorgasmia, because many medications have an erectile dysfunction as a side effect. If you can’t get an erection, you logically can’t expect an orgasm. You can, however, correct any erection disorders.

If you recently had a heart attack, you are probably afraid of sex and orgasm. During sexual arousal all organs run at full speed: blood pressure rises and the heart beats twice as fast. These symptoms, which could be the harbingers of a new heart attack, are difficult for your brain to cope with and you want to avoid further action. In this case contact a heart specialist who is also experienced in psychotherapy.

If you suffer from prostate cancer, it is also organically conditioned that orgasm is hardly possible. The prostate stimulates sperm production and if there are no sperm, there is no ejaculation.

A secondary anorgasmia is present if you have had an accident that resulted in paraplegia. If you are suddenly paralyzed from the hip down, a irreversible orgasm disorder can result.

Your upbringing from your parents influences your sex life

Beside the organic causes there are many psychical causes, which cause a – mostly temporary – anorgasmia. Most conflicts with oneself and the (sex-) partner arise in childhood. Sigmund Freud already knew this when he developed psychoanalysis.

Especially with women, the reason for anorgasmia lies in a sexual-hostile upbringing of the parents. There was no nudity in the family and sex was a taboo topic anyway. Early pubescent feelings of lust were mercilessly nipped in the bud and sometimes even punished. So it is understandable that even women of advanced age do not dare to give in to their lust because they feel bad.

It is very bad if sexual abuse was still present in the family. This also affects boys in childhood. In former times it was an absolute taboo topic and the number of unreported cases is very high. Thus it comes that today more and more people in old age come out and the whole problem of the last decades comes to the public.

For all kinds of psychological causes of anorgasmia a good psychiatrist and psychotherapist can make the suffering more bearable or even stop it. Usually there is no way around psychotherapy or behavioural therapy. This time can be very exhausting and full of ups and downs, but the way into a happy future without fears will be worth it.

Anorgasmie falsche Erziehung

Far-reaching problems in the partnership burden your psyche

Not only childhood, but also your current partnership can cause anorgasmia in you. If the love is extinguished and the everyday living together is not correct any more, it is no miracle that it does not work with the sex also any more. Sexuality should be practiced voluntarily and gladly. If the everyday life is marked by stress and aggression and daily differences of opinion, it is only natural that there is no more orgasm.

The problem starts one step before: namely the loss of libido, i.e. sexual desire. If this is missing, it does not even come to the exercise of a sexual action and consequently not to an orgasm.

But not always the partner is to blame. You can also be in the middle of your own identity crisis! Suddenly you don’t know if everything you do is still right. It can even go so far that you question yourself as a man or a woman. Or you suddenly think that you could also be gay or lesbian. These crises also affect your personal sex life. You can find a remedy with a good therapist, who helps you to process these things and find out the causes.

The special forms of masturbatory and coital anorgasmia

Masturbatory anorgasmia is also a secondary anorgasmia. The orgasm ability is only not given during masturbation. During normal sexual intercourse with a partner this is possible without any problems. This form becomes a problem if there is no partner and masturbation does not succeed.

With coital anorgasmia it is exactly the other way round. You get an orgasm only when masturbating, but not during sexual intercourse with your partner. Of course, this form puts a lot of strain on the partnership and you should possibly consider a couple therapy. In most cases, the reason for this is that the partnership does not talk about sexual desires and inclinations. Since you can generally get an orgasm, it is due to the correct stimulation of your sexual organs by your partner.

Anorgasmie Hilfe durch Psychologen

At primary anorgasmia you should see a good doctor for your basic disease and discuss your problem with him. Some physical handicaps can certainly be corrected by the doctor, but some also not.

If the cause is secondary anorgasmia, most problems are of a psychological nature. Here only a psychologist or psychotherapist can help. The blockades usually consist of anxiety or avoidance behaviour in the respective situation. Have no shame, but open up and entrust yourself to a specialist. One third of people suffer from such a disorder once in their life and many have already been helped.

This post is also available in: German